DEATH NOTE: The Fear
by Eveliina92
Summary: I don't know what's right and what's real anymore. 'Cuz I'm being taken over by the Fear". The feeling of loosing your lover is scary. The fear you feel, is horrible. L is loosing Light to organization which top priority is to kill Kira. Can L save Light
1. Pray it wont fade away

_Hahaa, it's your Eveliina here again. Yes, I'm not updateing my gravitation-story, I don't know how to contunue it, but do not be worried my sweetheart, when I get the right kick into my butt I will. So this is my first Death Note-fiction ever!! And I'm really exited about it. I felt so sad when I wrote the first chapter.  
Please feel free to comment. BE HONEST!! Or Else...  
AND most important thing; ENJOY!

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DEATH NOTE: The Fear

Chapter 1: Pray it won't fade away

By Eveliina

_Remember those wall I build. Well baby, they're thumbling down_. _And they didn't even put up a fight, they didn't even make a sound.  
I found a way to let you in, but I never really had a doubt, standing in the light of you halo, I got my angel now.  
_

It was raining.

It was raining hard.

I stood on the roof of the Headquarter, my eyes locked on the cold and gray sky. The time had come, and I felt it. I felt it in my heart.

I had done something, something that many of us couldn't do. I revealed the biggest secret, resolved the hardest mystery. I just didn't get the words out of my mouth. I couldn't bring myself to do it. And maybe I didn't want to. Maybe I was satisfied to the fact that he knew he had lost.

I won, but I didn't feel any pleasure from it.

I didn't accept it.

I didn't want to accept that…

YAGAMI LIGHT WAS KIRA

Everything started from a little sparkle and now something burned inside me, burning me alive.

Rain was beating my face, I felt a hot tear building into my eye and rolling down to my cheek.

I hadn't won completely, even thought I caught Kira, had Kira got something from me. Yagami Light had won my heart. So we were even. We lost, but we still won.

Light Yagami… Yagami Light…

I wanted him. I needed him.

We two were completely the same, except that our sense of justice was only thing to separate us. I admired Light's intelligent, his genius which reached up to my level. I admired his looks. His beauty which somehow fascinate me.

And now I had to give up all that. I had to give up the only friend I have ever had. I had to stifle the fire inside me.

I had to give up my love, for my world. For my justice.

I didn't want it.

In the corner of my eye, I noticed someone moving.

A blink of honey-like brown hair and a piece of white collar-shirt. Yagami Light had followed me to the roof. I looked at his direction.

"What are you doing out here, Ryuuzaki?" He scremed, but because of the rain hitting so hard on the roof, I didn't hear a word. I rose my hand to my ear.

"What are you doing out here, Ryuuzaki?" He repeated, surely a little bit louder, but I still didn't hear his voice. I couldn't stop myself, when a smile climbed into my lips at the same time when I rose my hand once more to my ear, telling him I didn't hear his words.

So Light stepped into the rain.

When he got next to me, he asked again.

"What are you doing out here, Ryuuzaki?"

I couldn't meet his glance.

"Nothing worth mentioning. The sound of the bells…"

"Bells?" Light said and looked at me for a long moment.

I looked into the sky to cover my tears.

"It's gone."

Light stood silently next to me. I gathered my courage and looked straight into his eyes. Rain beat down into our faces, but we didn't care. Light knew his victory. Light also knew his lost.

The raindrops made their way down to his face. And I swear that a part of those pearls were tears.

For the first time, in the whole time we had been together, I saw the fear in Yagami Light's eyes. The fear he didn't even want to hide behind his mask. He knew exactly the same as I did. Of course he knew, we were the same. Dare I saym that we were soul mates. Soul mates, never getting each other.

He knew.

Had knew for a long time. That I love him. And he loves me too.

I stepped one step closer to him.

I wanted to comfort him, tell him that everything is going to be ok, that there was nothing to be afraid of. But I couldn't lie. I couldn't. And Light knew it.

His plan had failed him. And he didn't noticed it soon enough.

We shared something different, something that no one couldn't understand. Only we knew it. And Light didn't want to let go of it.

He fought back, he tried to repress one's feelings. But for nothing. I noticed his inner fight in his heart.

We fought back, against our feelings, but when the darkness climbed into the sky, we couldn't resist the temptation. We waited for a right moment. And when it came, was Light's kiss so passionate, that it scared me.

That kissed started Light's road to destruction.

We never took our feeling to the next level, because we knew it was wrong.

But now, on the roof, it didn't matter anymore. Everything would still be over.

I placed my other hand on his back if his neck and I stroke his wet hair. He pressed his forehead on my forehead. I stepped closer, just a little bit.

And I kissed him gently.

I stepped backwards, so I could see his face one more time. I stroke his hair, cheeks and lips. He looked straight into my eyes, and locked into the them. He looked straight into my soul, with those brown eyes of his.

We stood there a moment, which felt to short. A moment which should have last forever.

He pressed his forehead again onto into mine. I felt his warm breath on my face when he whispered:

"It's time to go."

I nodded. I knew it. It was time to front the other task members. It was time to say goodbye to Kira. It was time to let go of Light. And it hurt.

_I swore I'd never fall again. But this don't feel like falling. Gravity can't forget, to pull me back to the ground again.  
Feels like I've been awakned. Every rule I had you breakin', the risk that I'm takin'. I'm never gonna shut you out.  
_

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_AUTHOR'S NOTE, PLEASE READ:_

_So, I want to explain the sound of the bells a little. In anime L says he hears the bell, from the church. He knows he is going to die. But on my story, he doesn't hear them. He realiizes that his life is not in danger anymore, no need to repair a funeral for him. His happy about that. But, he knows, that obviously Light is going to die, due the crimes he had done. And that makes him cry. Light and L have developed their relation ship little by little, and I hope I can wrote some flashback strating from next chapter._

_Song used: Beyoncé - Halo_

_Anything else what needs to be explained? THEN REVIEW :D See ya, on the next chapter! :D  
_


	2. As we say our long goodbyes

_I'm beig really nice, am I? I just got the first chapter up, and now I'm uploading the second, for one reader. But I'm a really kind person, so what can you exept from me... I'm glad that she/he liked my storie. - does the so-called happy-dance-.  
So I would like to thank DeathByComformity44 who has written like the best stories EVER! While reading her marvelous story, I had an idea of my own and tadaa, here we are going on chapter two already!! YayaAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAY!!!! HAPPYYYYYYY  
Anyway, I really hope that I'll have more readers, like I had in "Kidnapping Love", but one is a perfect start and thanks for that! :D Please do enjoy the second chapter of: DEATH NOTE: The Fear

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DEATH NOTE: The Fear

CHAPTER 2: As we say our long goodbyes

By Eveliina

_I'll sing it one last time for you. Then we really have to go. You've been the only thing that's right, in all I've done. And I can barely look at you, but every single time I do, I know we'll make it anywhere. Away from here._

Everyone was in shock.

My father looked at me disappointment written all over his face. And I was a disappointment. I realized it now.

I was ashamed and scared; I didn't look at anyone's eyes. Not even L's. I had no courage to do so, even thought he had known my secret for longer than anyone else had. He put me the handcuffs on, touching my hand a little when no one didn't notice, trying to comfort me.

I didn't deserve it, but it still warmed my heart.

"I have called to Watari, and he has taken care of ride to Yagami Light, who is going to the nearby prison to wait his punishment. No one knows Yagami Light as Kira. The case will be handled as first degree murder." L announced to everyone, in a cold monotonically voice.

And it scared me.

I was scared.

I scared that L didn't love me anymore.

Why should he?

I was a mass murder.

I was KIRA!

I let my hair fell for my face as we made our way to the elevator. Father wasn't allowed to come with us to the transport car. I didn't even want him there. The pain I felt already was more than enough.

In the elevator, L touched my hand again. I turned confused expression on my face to my lover, but the man's face was hard as stone; they didn't show anything to outsiders. But I could read his dark eyes. I could say sadness haunting young detective's heart.

I wanted him.

L.

More than anything else.

That's why I stopped.

That's why Kira is dead.

So I could spent a little while longer with my lover.

I couldn't continue my plan. I couldn't let go of that what I really wanted.

I was selfish.

I gave up my world, my utopia for L's sake.

And now my fate was death.

But I was happy about one thing.

I get to spent time more with L.

When the elevator stopped at the bottom floor, L led me to the front doors of the Headquarter, where outside stood a black van waiting for me. I did not know the driver, but I didn't care. It didn't matter who was going to drive to my death.

L opened the backdoors.

I stopped and looked straight into his eyes, before I went inside.

Fear strangled my throat.

L came after me, closing the van's doors behind him. He knocked the darkened window, where I could see the driver's dark silhouette. And the keys were turned in the lock. L made himself sit right opposite to me.

My journey to death had started.

Silence surrounded us.

The fear in my soul grew stronger, no matter how much I tried to avoid it.

Silence.

L had put his head down, as I had too.

I took a deep breath and raised my head, L doing exactly the same.

I looked at him, straight into those deep wholes, which I could only read.

We sit for a moment just looking each others, until I had to speak. I needed to hear his voice. Like it would prove something.

"I'm sorry", I said.

"For what?", he asked, even though he already knew the answer. I wanted to jump off my seat and wrap my arms around him. I wanted to be near him.

But I couldn't.

"That I'm Kira. I'm sorry for the things I have done. But I don't regret it; that I found the Death Note. No, 'cause then I wouldn't have met you, L. I'm sorry for that."

L sighed and looked at me with sadness written in his eyes.

"I'm sorry too." he said.

"Why?" I asked confused.

"Because I turned you in.", he said in a shaking voice.

I felt tears building into my eyes. I let them made their path to my cheeks. There was nothing left of my proud so why pretend.

L stood up and sat to my legs, his own legs resting on my sides. I buried my face to his white shirt. If I hadn't had the handcuffs, I would have wrapped my arms around his pale body and buried myself in it. But I couldn't.

L stroke my hair, like he always did.

"Light, look at me." he whispered into my ear.

I lifted my head up.

He kissed me. And it caught my breath away. L's kiss was full of passion, agony and sadness. It was full of love.

I answered the kiss with my full heart, I wanted him to know.

I wanted him to know, that I would never stop loving him.

"Please, don't ever…" I whispered and pressed my head to his chest.

"Please, don't ever stop loving me L."

L cupped my cheeks and lift my head up. He gave little butterfly kissed to my forehead and whispered:

"My heart, will never stop beating for you."

And then I was happy.

In the middle of all the fear, I was taken by pure happiness.

And then there was a terrible crash!

So powerful that it throw L and I into the van's cold floor.

The car was spinning around until it crashed to something strong.

L held me tight, so I wouldn't fly into the car's walls. I pressed my body with his trying to protect him as best as I could.

My head was spinning, I saw stars.

I saw blood.

L had hit his head and his beautiful face was framed by blood. He took a key from his pocket and opened my handcuffs so I could rise from the floor. The lock of the backdoors had given up because of the crash.

We held each others while climbing off the destroyed van.

The driver was dead.

Something had bumped into us from the right, straight into the poor driver.

I looked around.

We were on the forest road, about 40 km from the prison.

I leaned at the cars right side which was full of scratches and dents.

"What happened…" I mumbled myself and I looked at L. He whipped the blood with his white shirt, which was turning pink from blood.

I stepped closer to L, but I stopped.

Someone had shot us and the bullet had missed my head by inches.

L caught my hand and pulled me on the other side of the van.

"Let's run into the woods!" he yelled and tightened the grip on my hand.

We ran, we ran for our lives.

But it wasn't enough.

We were caught up.

There was five of them. Five creatures dressed in black and covering face with a golden mask. And there was only two of us.

They surrounded us. L was swearing.

He let go of my hand and kicked the nearest enemy right to his chest. I turned around and punched the other enemy straight into his face.

But there were five of them. We were only the two of us.

The dark characters gripped my arms and my waist. I broke myself free, with L's help. Two of them got the grip on L, other three had troubles with me. I yelled and kicked, but for nothing. L screamed my name and broke his hands free from enemy's grip.

"L!" I yelled and stretch my hands towards him.

"Light!" L screamed and caught my arms.

They tried to pull us apart. They tried to separate us.

I looked L into his eyes. His face was cover with blood.

The characters wanted me, the enemy was after me.

Not him.

Me.

L saw my eyes getting a shine when I figured it out and he tightened his grip even more. He looked at me, begging me with his eyes.

"No Light!" he yelled, digging his fingers into my arms and shaking his head violently.

"Don't let go."

"I love you." I said to him. I opened my fingers from the death grip on his wrists and broke my hands free.

"Light, NO!" he screamed but it was pointless. Three creatures started to pull me toward the road. The other two knocked L on the ground.

"L!" I screamed after him, but I knew it wouldn't help.

I was scared more than ever.

"Get up L…" I whispered, before I was roughly thrown into another van.

"Light…" L mumbled.

But Light was gone.

Disappeared.

And then was nothing left but darkness.

_Light up, light up. As if you have a choice. Even if you cannot hear my voice, I'll be right beside you dear. Louder, louder. And we'll run for our lives. I can hardly speak, I understand, why you can't raise your voice to say.

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_So, at first: if someone is going to whine about Light acting like he is now.... I can't help it! If I were Light, I would have get my pant wet already. Death ain't my thing. Please remember that Light is like every one of us, just a simple human being. (and a little uke if I can say.)_

_Song used: Leona Lewis - Run_

_Something on your heart, darling? Then why don't you review! :D See ya, till next time!  
_


	3. Now the world is gone, I'm just one

_HELLO AGAIN!!!! Jeesus, I have never uploaded anythins this fast! I hope yo_u g_uys enjoy it :D AND this chapter has the first flashback, yay! Sorry for all the grammar mistakes, as you know (hopefully) I'm from Finland where we don't speak English on out native language... whis would be better than swedish... I'm sorry, but I just suck at it! I can barely tell who I am :D I hold nothing againts swedish people! I swear!  
I have forgot to mention that I DO NOT OWN THE DEATH NOTE ANIME OR MANGA, and maybe it's better that I don't. It wouldn't be death note anymore... it would be "Yaoi Note" or "Romance note", or "Just a show for LXLIGHT" háhahahaa ;DDDD  
PLEASE ENJOY THE 3RD CHAPTER, I translated it into English about 10 minutes ago, and the time here is 1:50 am....  
_

_Eveliina__

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DEATH NOTE: The Fear

CHAPTER 3: Now the world is gone, I'm just one

By Eveliina

_I can't remember anything. Can't tell if this is true or dream. Deep down inside I feel to scream. This terrible silence stops me._

I opened my eyes.

I heard buzzing.

And I knew I was dreaming.

I touched my forehead. Nothing. I looked at my clothes. They were clean, no sight of blood anywhere.

I wanted to scream Light's name, but I knew he wouldn't hear it. He wasn't here any more.

I heard the buzzing sound again and I looked down to my feet.

A computer.

I kneeled, into the same position as always on Headquarter. I wrote the password and the screen started to live.

It played a video.

A video, that I knew too well.

Our first kiss.

* * *

"_L, stop that already! I am not Kira!" Light frowned. It was dark, the night had come. But for some reason Light couldn't get any sleep. L walked just behind him, demanding the other boy to confess his sins. Ryuk sat down on the stair's railing, looking very interested shine in his eyes. _

"_You are Kira, and I know it. The 13 day rule is a fake. Yagami Light, you are nothing more than lies." L said with his strong voice._

_Light was so close, he stood there so close. What happened next was unavoidable. That couldn't be stopped._

_L pressed Light strongly on the wall behind him, the younger boy struggling back._

"_Say it!" L ordered._

"_NO!" Light yelled back._

"_Say that you're Kira, for god's sake!"_

_Light had had enough. _

_He punched straight into the older man's face. _

_L swayed backwards, cleaning the blood from his lips with his white sleeve. _

"_L…" Light started._

"_No Kira! Don't come near me." L said as he turned to leave._

_And the only second when Light thought with his heart, not with his brains, he gripped L on his wrist and swung him around. L's bottom lip was still bleeding. _

"_What are…" L began, but Light was faster._

_Light sealed the little space between them. _

_Light sealed his destiny with death._

_He kissed his enemy, gently sucking L's bottom lip. _

_Butterflies. _

_L's stomach was filled with butterflies._

_Light pulled away._

_L touched his lip, and didn't feel any blood on his pale fingertips. _

"_I'm sorry." Light whispered and left, leaving amazed L all alone into the dark room.

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_

I instinctively touched my bottom lip.

The computer continued the quiet buzzing.

Tears fell down to my cheeks.

And I smiled.

"Thank you"

I sank on the floor and wrapped my arms around my legs.

"Thank you" I whispered as I felt the darkness coming onto me.

And the computer continued the quiet buzzing.

When I woke up again, the buzzing had stopped.

I was surrounded by light, so bright that it burned my eyes. I felt pain in my head, in my legs, in my arms.

I was awake.

I recognized everyone around me, they looked at me. I was laying on bed, soft sheets caressing my bare torso.

I took a deep breath.

I let the air run out from my lungs.

One was missing.

And suddenly I remembered everything: the crash, the bullet, those enemies with black clothes and golden masks… and Light.

Light was gone.

I wanted him near me, by my side, but I knew it was impossible.

I concentrated to listen Yagami-san's explanation about how they found me on the woods, covered in blood. How I was rushed straight away to my private hospital, which had its place on the top floor of the Headquarters. How Watari was so worried about me. How there was no trace of Light. How Light had disappeared.

I laid on the bed, my brains working hard with the new mystery, with a big secret.

When I got my strength back and my wounds had been taken care of, I went back to work with the other members of the taskforce. Watari would have wanted me to rest more, but he didn't understand. Nobody did.

I needed to find Light.

Even if I had to face the death himself.

I needed to find him, the one I really cared about.

I needed to find him, the one I truly loved.

Nobody knew.

Nobody knew about my feelings, which I treasured inside my soul. Nobody knew that the great detective L was in love with murderer.

Nobody knew me dying slowly every moment I didn't share with Light.

"L, you should rest. You can't help… Light… in that condition of yours." Yagami-san said, only stopping for a second to think what name to call the murderer.

I felt bad for Yagami-san. He lost his son. But was still ready to fight for him, until his last breath.

Why did the other stay?

Because they were responsible of the Kira-case.

It wasn't over yet.

When Light would get his punishment, it would be over.

When Light would sleep his eternal sleep, this all would end.

Fear and agony.

Worshipping and praying.

My life.

They all would be over.

But as I swore to Light, I would never stop loving him.

"I need to find him!" I said, a little bit louder than I expected. I was tired, and they didn't know my sorrow.

"But he would die anyway…" Matsuda murmured under his breath.

That made me loose my control.

And first time, in twenty years, I let them see my feelings on my pale face.

I raised my foot high into the air and kicked. Kicked as hard as I could. The young agent flew on the ground.

"I need to find him, because I LOVE HIM!", I screamed face twisting from pain. My body was in pain. My head was exploding.

My heart broke into million little piece.

Silence.

Only Matsuda breathing heavily on the floor.

And the computer never stopped buzzing.

_Now that the war is through with me, I'm waking up I can not see. That there is not much left of me. Nothing is real but pain no.

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_SOOOOOOOO.... what did you guys think? :D I was amazed about the fact how well Metallica fitted for this chapter :D Ok, L is kinda of out of character, BUT maybe he has the right to do that. His lover is missing, he has pain! Our poor littel L! Oh, and our poor little Light, if you're still following me to the 4th chapter._

_Song used: Metallica - One_

_Till next time, thanks to everyone from nice reviews. You made me cry!!!!!  
_


	4. But you shut me up

_KYAAAAH!!! I'm so happy, for two reasons. 1. YOU guys really like this!!!!!! and 2. Miyavi is coming to Finland!!! And I can maybe get a ticket!!! OMG!!! I was so exited about all this, so now I can proudly introduce you the fourth chapter of Death Note: The Fear. I was having some difficulties with this chapter... I don't know why, but this has been the hardest chapter so far. But I hope I magaed to put someting good for you, my dear readers who earn extra hugs and cookies ;D  
So, Here, We, GO!_

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DEATH NOTE: The Fear

CHAPTER 4: But you shut me up

By Eveliina

_The geographic gap let to force adulthood, and your rage exposed. I'm glad we left things when we did, I doubt I'd survive another bloody moan. We were never meant to be lovers. We just mirrored each other's self destructiveness (self destructiveness). _

The fear.

It shook my body all the way.

I was shaking.

I was cold.

I wanted to scream, but I couldn't.

The van had darkened windows, I didn't see where they was taking me. But road didn't lead us on the prison, that was for sure. If I could conclude right, we had driven over 40 kilometers. That was all I knew.

And it scared me.

I was losing, big time. My enemy got a grip from me.

I sat on the van's floor, my back against the cold wall. I pressed my head onto my knees, started to breath in rhythm and tried to calm down.

I was worried.

Not myself, I was worried about L.

Was he all right? Had someone found him?

Would he come to rescue me?

I closed my eyes.

Yes, L would come. I was certain for that.

* * *

_I couldn't look at him. What happened last night, was the biggest mistake of my life._

_Mistake, that couldn't be fixed._

_We were in Amane Misa's room._

_On a date._

_It was my job to act the blond girl's boyfriend until the case was solved. In spite of last night's event I needed to keep my façade up, let the curtain fall only for the interval. _

_As always, L was with me._

_He ate silently his piece of cake._

_I couldn't eat at all._

_Misa kept babbling about something._

_I couldn't concentrate._

_I was anxious._

_Suddenly Misa's cell phone started to ring, scaring the hell out of me. And first time, for the whole day, L looked at me._

_And that gaze made a whole, deep down in my skin, that it made me blush. _

"_Liiight! Mogi-san just called me from the studio, I need to go there immediately! I'm so sorry! How Misa can pay this back, for her dear Light?" Misa said and jumped into my lap._

"_Well, we're going to figure something out.." I said with a forced smile. Misa hugged me and was going to kiss me, but I turned my head just in time to get a little kiss to my cheek. _

_Little bit hurt, Misa rose and left the room, leaving me and L all alone in the room._

_I looked down to my hands, which were resting on my lap._

_I was ashamed. The great Kira didn't know the word "shame". But Yagami Light knew it too well today._

_L rose from the couch and turned towards the door._

"_Shall we go, Yagami-kun", he said with his monotonic voice._

_It hurt._

_But what did I expect? For God's sake, I kissed him yesterday. Didn't it mean anything to L?_

_I rose to my feet, anger growing inside me._

_We stepped on the hallway. It was dark._

_I turned around and closed the door, thinking fast what to say to the detective._

_And I turned…_

_White sleeves._

_Dark eyes._

_His lips on mine._

_L pressed me on the door, his hands both sides of my head, blocking me between them, his body close to me._

_I wrapped my arms around him._

_I wanted him, more than anything else._

_But I knew, that what I wanted meant nothing to destiny. _

"_I want you." I whispered into L's ear._

_L started to caress my face, like memorizing every detail with his fingertips. _

"_Light, we'll never get each other." L said quietly. He turned around, now it was my turn to be left alone into the darkness. _

"_I can always dream…" I whispered with a sad smile on my lips. I had dreamed of an utopia of my own, so why shouldn't I dream about L too?

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_

The car stopped, and I was pulled roughly out.

It was dark, but I still recognized a little church ahead of us.

They led me towards the church's big wooden doors. A dim light from candles made its way through the windows.

When my eyes got used to the darkness, I looked around.

I hadn't been there before.

I saw statues about angels and demons.

I saw graves.

One was empty.

Fear.

It didn't leave me alone.

We went inside.

The candles made a little light to the altar. In front of the altar stood a girl.

She turned around.

The girl had a long black hair and her face was highlighted by black fringe. She had covered her face with a golden mask. I assumed she was 17 years old.

I was amazed.

What a young girl did in a place like this?

Unless she…

"Yagami Light." girl said and turned around, the hem of her black skirt waving on the air. The dress was skin-tight on the right places, the long sleeves covering her arms fully. Long black nails blinked on the candle's light. The heels made some noise while she moved.

"Or should I call you, Kira" she said and came to me.

"I'm not…" I tried to defend myself, but she slapped me across my face.

"Shut up!" she said her voice full of pure anger.

"You can stop this play Kira, because it's time to the curtain to fall. It's your time to leave the stage, forever." she said.

I looked at the girl in front of me and I felt her cold gaze behind the golden mask.

"I am Viola von Death." she introduced herself.

Von Death… the name was familiar.

"Oh, you remember!" Viola said with fake smile on her lips.

"You remember how you killed my father, Sebastian von Death. Am I right?"

I remembered it.

I had killed the leader of Von Death's, the greatest murderer in Japan.

And now I was a prisoner of the Japan's greatest murderer's daughter.

Irony.

Fear.

"Kira, soon you'll hope you would have survived to the prison." she said as she wrapped her fingers on my hair.

She pulled my face closer, my nose almost touching the cold mask.

She bend my head painfully from my hair.

"Kira, soon you'll hope, that you would have never even born. "

_The spotlight burned in the room, when we were together. And we played our parts. And I wore an imaginary tv screen, so you never got to touch my heart. We were never meant to be lovers. Our egos fed of each others. And died overweight.

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_Ok, so the italic text in the middle of the chapters are FLASHBACKS! I forget to write it down. :D Sooooo... what did you think? As I said this was the hared chapter to write, 'cause I didn't have a clear idea about the flashback and our little "mafia".  
What about the name?? Stupid??_

_Song used: Maria Mena - Dear..._

_Yay, and now I'm going to read a nice book and eat some chocolate (it's 1:53 am :D)  
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	5. All the things she said

_Hi, it's Eveliina calling!! I'm so sorry, that this update took me so long! I really am. But I have a good reason for that, believe me. I have been in Tallinn, which is the capital of Estonia. We went there with my family :D And KYAAAAAH I loved it! There everything was so cheap, and the houses were so beautiful! 3 Gonna go there someday again! And now I have been a volunteer in WMA = World Masters Athletics. Yep, the elder people's competition. Don't ask me why I'm there. It's my friends fault :D  
But enough with this shit! Here it is, hopefully a long waited chapter of DEATH NOTE: The Fear

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DEATH NOTE: The Fear

CHAPTER 5: All the things she said

By Eveliina

_I'm in serious shit, I feel totally lost. If I'm asking for help it's only because, being with you has opened my eyes. Could I ever believe such a perfect surprise?_

It was raining.

Again.

My clothes were all wet. But I didn't care.

Water fell from my black hair. But I didn't care.

Tears ran down to my cheeks. But I didn't care.

It had been a day since the accident, Light's kidnappers hadn't contact us.

It harassed me.

I didn't know where Light was.

I didn't know what the kidnappers had done to him.

I didn't know was he even alive.

Tears, which no one ever saw.

I looked up, into the gray clouds. It had been raining two days now. They told me that the sun wouldn't be shining for a long time.

My sun had vanished.

The roof of the Headquarters felt cold under my bare feet. I looked down to my toes and I noticed a slight blueness on them.

I took a deep breath. Rainy air filled my lungs.

I tried to get a grip of myself.

But the anxiety didn't disappear.

When I finally got my wet clothes changed, I returned to other taskforce members. I put on a mask, which showed no sadness towards my love. The others were working their asses on fire, especially Yagami-san.

But Aizawa-san stared at me, a bunch of emotions flaming in his eyes.

Sadness and suspicion.

Happiness and triumph.

Aizawa-san's eyes were full of them.

A little bit puzzled I sat into my chair next to the computer.

And then it happened. Something I had waited for a long time.

Every screen in the Headquarters suddenly darkened and turned on again, brining a crimson colored V letter against the white background.

The enemy had contact us.

Finally.

Everyone was in shock, they stared at the screens confusion written all over their faces.

"What…?" Yagami-san whispered.

"Greetings, oh so honored taskforce. " said a emotionless computer voice.

"My name is V."

I gripped the mike from the table, pushed a few buttons and took a deep breath.

"And I am L." I answered with steady voice, which had been changed by a computer, so no one would recognize it.

"Ah, it's so nice to meet you L. I think I have something which belongs to you. Brown hair, honey-like eyes, gorgeous face. A heartless bastard. Sound familiar?"

V took a little break.

I didn't say a word.

Anger boiled inside me, burning me alive.

"I have Kira!"

"Prove it!" I said with a firmly voice of the computer. This was my change to get an information about Light.

I wanted desperately to know, was Light still alive.

V laughed.

The picture was shaking, before it opened a view to a room.

No.

It opened us a view for a big hall, which had long chairs.

A church, it had to be a church.

And in front of the altar stood bloody Light, his eyes looking straight into the camera.

"Light…" I whispered.

I wanted to run through the screen to him and hold him in my arms.

I wanted to feel his body heat, his skin, his lips.

I missed him.

But my voice didn't reveal any of those things.

"What do you want V?" I asked, and once again I knew the answer, even thought I didn't want to.

The screen turned white again, and in the middle stood the crimson letter.

"His head on a silver-plate would be too harass to say, so I just want him to pay his sins towards my father and towards the world. I'm just simply hurrying his punishment."

"It is wrong!" I said.

"Is it? Oh L, a relationship with Kira is wrong. You are letting your feelings getting into your way, my dear L. I'm sure you would have managed to put up some kind of a plan to safe your dear murderer on the very last minute. And you know it."

Would I?

Would I have saved Light from death?

Yes.

I knew it, V knew it.

I would have saved Light, even if it was my last thing alive.

"It's time to face the facts, L."

No, I didn't want to.

"Kira will die tonight! And there's nothing you can do about it!"

Tears build into my eyes and I tried to flutter them away. I had to play for more time, so I could have time to think what to do next.

"How did you managed to contact us?" I asked, but now everyone was able to recognize the sad tone in my voice.

I didn't even try to hide it anymore.

"Well, I have my little birds, which can chirp to the right people on the right time. You are in danger L, I have gotten myself into your little net. Maybe your little group isn't so trustful after all…"

I looked puzzled the other members of the taskforce.

Who?

"Aizawa-san, maybe you should tell something to our master detective, after all, you are responsible for his lover's painful death."

And V disappeared.

Everyone turned their heads to Awizawa-san's direction.

Yagami-san was in shock.

I was furious.

I threw myself over him, ready to beat the shit out of him.

"What the hell have you done!?!?" I yelled at him.

"L, let him go." Matsuda said and tear me apart from the shocked traitor.

"Just like Matsuda said earlier, he would be dead anyway!" Aizawa-san yelled for his protection, staring straight at me into my angry eyes.

I had lost my self-control and I wanted to rip that man into million little pieces. Like my heart was.

"And V is right. If it had been up to you, Light would have never died."

"Maybe sometimes it's right for the mercy to happen than justice." Yagami-san said quietly.

Aizawa-san looked everyone around him, trying to find some kind of an understanding for his actions.

Matsuda let my arms go.

I went to my computer and contacted Watari.

"Watari, I want Aizawa-san to leave the Headquarters, immediately!"

Aizawa-san looked at me.

My voice was full of anger.

"I want that traitor out of my sight. NOW!"

_I keep asking myself, wondering how. I keep closing my eyes, but I can't block you out. Wanna fly to a place where it's just you and me. Nobody else, so we can be free. Nobody else, so we can be free.

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_Wau, this story has a really hight tempo. BUT I hope you guys don't mind. :D _

_SONG USED: T.A.T.U - All the things she said_

_Kyaah, I'm back. I feel so good even thought I think this chapter sucks somehow. But on the other hand, it's quite good... What do YOU think :D  
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	6. Burning their lies

_Hahaa, once again I have made my way to the wonderful world of fanfiction. What did you say.. did you say "Run you little bitch"... ok.. -runs-  
I know, I know, that it has been a really really long time when I updated this, but Hey, better now than forever. The school is taking so much time right now, the second year of the high school isn't that easy you know! I'm trying my best at school, and I'm trying my best to make an interesting story for you guys. So plese, please enjoy the 6th chapter of Death Note: The Fear. See ya, after the chaprer!  
With Love, to all the readers, old and new.  
Eveliina

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DEATH NOTE: The Fear

CHAPTER 6: Burning their lies

By Eveliina

_Walking through life unnoticed, knowing that no one cares. Too consumed in their masquerade, no one sees her there. And still she sings._

I shivered.

I was cold.

The fear surrounded me and tightened its grip every minute that passed, every single second that passed, without L.

I was afraid of the last minutes of my life.

But V didn't know that. Yet.

You could hear the high heels on the cold floor, and the wooden red door next to the altar opened without a sound.

The man, who behind his mask had just a moment ago filmed me, turned to face his leader.

"You can put the camera away, John. The conversation is over." the girl said coldly and came to me.

My eyes locked with V's dark ones, which she had hide behind her golden mask.

She turned behind me.

And kicked straight into my ham, making me cry out and fall to my knees.

Then V came cam back, and pulled me higher her hands in my hair, so our face would be on the same level. A smile full of smug and triumph on her face she whispered into my ear:

"Tell me Kira, can you be saved?"

No.

Nothing can save me anymore.

From that moment on, when my fingers touched the black notebook, the Faith didn't know a word "salvation". At least not for me.

"You say you are a God! Where is you salvation Kira?" V hissed into my ear and tightened her grip in my hair.

True, I wanted to be a God. God of the New World, world where everything evil was long gone. V stepped away.

"You're evil. You cannot be saved."

I flinched.

I was a murderer.

I was evil.

I was Kira.

V snapped her fingers and the characters with their golden masks came closer and surrounded us.

One of them hold out a piece of iron and V took it, her black fingernails shining in the dim light. The head of the object was cross-shaped and glowing the heat, it had just been lifted from the fireplace next to the altar.

I let myself cringe from fear.

And the smile hadn't left from the girl's pale face.

"I want to tell you something, Kira." V said.

"You have a relationship with L." the girl said, her voice getting even colder than it was before.

I opened my mouth to deny that fact, but she was quicker by kneeling in front of me and bringing the red-hot iron cross close to my face.

"Don't even bother." V whispered.

I stared the hot, glowing cross and tried to back up, but one of the men had moved himself behind me and now he was painfully holding my hands behind my back, keeping me like that on my knees, cutting every possible way to run away.

I felt the heat on my skin.

I felt V's cold eyes.

I felt her anger towards me.

"How can you know about that?" I asked in a whisper, totally unable to speak. I had lost my voice for the fear.

V laughed and started to roll the cross in front of my eyes.

"Like I told your lover already, I have my little birds, which can chirp in the right place, at the right time. You just have to say words "Kira" and "money". And in no time one of your gullible little friend is turning his back on you."

"Who?" I asked quietly, my eyes locked on the burning cross.

"Aizawa." V answered. "Why should I keep it as a secret? There's nothing you can do to him. I got him on my side, I got him to see justice."

"L is justice." I said and V flinched.

"L is justice" I repeated with a little smile playing on my lips.

V gave a little laugh and her black nails stroke the collar of my white, bloody shirt. She moved her fingers under the shirt, and caressed my chest, right there where my heart was beating.

"You lost your heart." she said gently.

"I lost it to L."

"No." V shook her head and took her palm away.

"You lost it to Devil."

Those words been said V pressed her other hand on my bare chest.

And my skin was burning.

I screamed from pain, I struggled to get myself free.

But for nothing.

V pressed the hot iron even harder into my skin.

Tears streamed from my eyes, my chest was on fire.

V throw the iron away, and the man left my arms go, giving me the permission to sank on the floor. I was turned around and V pressed the stigma with her finger nails, making me scream even harder.

"Kira, the pain you feel, the agony you feel is nothing compared to the pain someone else feels loosing somebody dear to them. That pain isn't physical, it comes straight from you heart and that pain rips you into pieces. From the outside your intact, but from the inside your broken, too broken to stand it."

I breathed heavily, I just wanted to pass out so I wouldn't have to deal with the pain.

"Tell me Kira, how does it feel when you lose someone you love? How does it feel to lose L?"

"Leave him alone! You got me, I'm here, to be tortured by you! Leave him alone!!" I yelled and tried to get on my feet, but I was too exhausted to do it.

I panted, tears running free and painfully from my eyes.

I didn't want to lose him.

If something happened to him, I would die.

V stood up, tossed her long black hair over her shoulder and looked at me with her spiritless eyes.

"Boys, I think we have a little change in our plan!" she said and turned to leave.

"I want L here. I want them to look each other's eyes, while they're dying. I want them to feel that pain."

"What do you want from L?!?!" I yelled in panic. I'm the one who should die, not L. L didn't have a role in this play!

"I want to see the pain in your eyes, when you realize, that L…" V said and walked towards the door, which she had left open before.

"…is dead."

And the cross-shaped mark on top of my heart was even more painful than before.

_All of this hate. And all of this pain. I'll burn it all down, as my anger reigns. 'Till everything burns.

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_-teary eyed- Oh my darling Light, I'm so sorry. Don't worry I'll come and save you from that evil little bitch!!!!! I mean.... OH what an end!! I really don't have a clue where this story comes from, I'm positive, happy little girl and I write such angst, like this! Is there someting wrong with me? I just hope that you guys get the feeling what I'm after :D I like writing a different type of stories, and you just ahve to bear with it :DDD_

_Song used: Anastacia feat. Ben Moody - Everything Burns_

Until next time, love for everyone!!!!!!!! 333  



	7. Trying to find

_YAY!! The now 17 years old girl from Finland is ready for action again!!! Hi guys, missed me? Yes, two days ago, on 25th of september was my 17th b-day and oh boy those party rocked!! I was drunk yes BUT i was safely at home, and nothing was broken or destroyed!! A nice evening, if I can say :D Ok, so here is the 7th chapter, JEESUS CHRIST, did I say 7th. Oh god! I think this chapter needs a little bit knowledge about the story of Jesus Christ, and the evangelic-lutheric-religion. Anyway, don't panic, I needed to do some research myself, I needed to fins a church in Japan :D Read and find out why!!!! Oh and tell me if this sucks, really I need to know!!  
Eveliina

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DEATH NOTE: The Fear

CHAPTER 7: Trying to find

By Eveliina

_A long day alone, emptiness is so real. Never having a peace of mind. Running from what I can't see, and there is nowhere left to hide. Turn and face these empty eyes. _

One week had passed.

One long, rainy week.

We worked days and nights, but we had only discovered V's true name and persona. Viola von Death. Beautiful ambitious and revengeful daughter of the charming mass murderer.

Nothing else.

I hadn't moved from the chair for a week.

I waited.

I quietly cried and waited.

Matsuda had figured out that Viola's father was one of the Kira's victims. As I had expected. The video from the last meeting didn't reveal anything new.

I had sat in my chair for a week now.

I had watched that tape for a week.

Light was in a church. It was the first clue, you could see the big altarpieces and colourful windows. I had ordered Watari to go and search every possible church in Japan. Abandoned, just built once, old and new once.

I had kept my mask on my face for a week now.

I had hide my agony and sorrow.

None of us hadn't talked for a week, only then when it was necessary. After Aizawa had left no one gave a word. They were afraid. Even though my eyes were empty was my look so cold that it made everyone shiver.

My look had been cold for a week.

Yagami-san came to me and pressed his heavy hand on my shoulder.

"L, you should take a little break."

I looked at him and was about to protest but he interrupted me.

"L you have been sitting the for a week now. A week! It's time to admit that we wont get any further in this situation until Viola contacts us, L, believe me."

I looked around. My desk was full of papers, Light's chair had a pile of videotapes and despite all that information, I didn't know how to solve the puzzle. For the first time I didn't know how to solve the blank puzzle. I didn't even found the right pieces for it.

Yagami-san was right.

I rose from my chair and with my head down I walked away, quietly, to the corridor. The corridor was long and dark. I went to upstairs into Misa's room, luckily Misa wasn't there, she had a photo-shoot to attend to. I walked around in her apartment.

I saw our past. In every place where Light and I had resisted the universe.

I sat on Misa's sofa. Misa had been away then too, but my brains didn't have the energy to remember where. But I remembered Light, and it felt it was the only thing that was enough for me. We sat on the sofa that day and Light climbed on to me. He pressed his lips on mine. I closed my eyes as I sank into the sofa, I sank into my memory.

I lay there for a moment, all I heard was my breathing in the dark room. When I got myself back to the corridor I turned around towards the door and I pressed my forehead on it. It was cold, but the memory of Light's breathing on my ear when he said he wanted me, was even warmer.

I climbed the stairs up to our bedroom. But when I reached the door I turned away. I didn't dare to look inside, 'cause I knew what would wait for me there. Sweat and passionate sighs. Clothes and sheets all over the place. Hate and love. And the only time when we let ourselves to be humans, just normal human beings… I would give anything, that I could get that night back.

I felt salty tears making their way into my eyes.

I turned around and headed to the bahtroom.

I wanted to live that one moment again. Even thought it would be painful, I wanted to live that moment again. The moment where there weren't any Kira or L, there were only Light and Lawliet, naked, just for each others eyes to look.

I opened the door and stepped inside into the transparent box. Like in some kind of a trans I opened the tap and I felt warm water rushing over me, making me wet immediately. I turned around and pressed my back into the wall, the water coming above me. I placed my hands under my shirt and I hugged myself tight, I let my arms wonder around my torso. Juts like Light's hands had done. I gave a sigh as I inched myself on the ground, my back still on the wall. I hugged myself once more and imagined that those arms where Light's strong ones, which would keep me safe and in one piece.

Time passed.

And I was sure I cried.

Because no one didn't saw me.

Then I got up, turned the water off and stepped out into the cold air.

I walked water dripping down on the floor into the sink, I pressed my hands on the sides and I looked my reflection on the mirror. And I hope that I would have never done that. I looked the same as always, black hair, white skin. But on the inside I was broken. Broken for the first time in my life. It was pathetic. I was broken because of the young boy. I was broken, 'cause I had broken the rules. Broken without Light.

I gripped the sides of the sink, my knuckles whiter that the tiles on the wall.

I needed to get grip of myself.

Now.

L didn't apologize breaking the rules. L didn't sob in the bathroom for anyone.

L was steady as a rock.

And L would save Kira, even if it would be his last thing he would have done alive.

I came back into our bedroom, tossed the wet shirt on the floor and took a new one on the closet. The trousers found their way too on t he floor, and just when I had the jeans button closed Matsuda ran inside, his face taken by anxiety and horror.

Viola.

The red V-letter was in every screen which were in the working room.

I sat into my chair.

"L, it is not polite to keep your guest waiting." the monotonic voice said.

"It's not right to steal, V." I answered with the cold voice of mine. I felt everyone else holding back theirs breaths. There was tension, horror and a little piece of hope in the air.

"Ah, L. I believe that you and your little group are eager to see little Kira? Am I right?"

I didn't answer.

The screens went black and soon they showed us what we have been waited for a week.

But what we saw wasn't worth of all that waiting. I swallowed the piece on my throat, I swallowed my scream so V wouldn't hear my sorrow. But inside my head I screamed like never before.

Light had been tied into wooden cross and the cross had been lifted up in the air right above the altar by two ropes. The blood had dried on his beautiful face and his brown trousers were ruined by all the mud and blood mixed up together. The white shirt had been torn into pieces and I could see the stigma in his chest. Cross right in his heart. Light breathed heavily and his body was in pain. He tried to open his eyes and locate the camera.

And I was struggling to keep my myself still.

Light was hanging on the cross like Jesus who waited his last moment to come. They mocked Light, the men under him abused him by calling him a new Messiah. The camera zoomed away and Viola stepped in the screen, the golden mask shimmering by the candles light.

"There he is, the God of the new world." the girl said and smiled mockingly. "There he is, waiting for his salvation to come. So L? What are you going to do?"

I looked into the camera, I let my empty eyes to lock on those black wholes which played the part as the girls eyes. She got me a challenge.

And L never gave up.

And V knew it.

"Almighty God, you wonderfully created and yet more wonderfully restored the dignity of human nature. In your mercy, let us share the divine life of Jesus Christ who came so share our humanity, and who now lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever." Viola said, and we lost the connection.

"What was that all about…" Matsuda breathed after a long silence.

And for the first time in a week, I smiled.

"That Matsuda-san was our first clue from the place where Light is kept in." I said and turned around to contact Watari.

"Watari, did you got the tape? Good. Copy me the last V's sentences. Thank you, Watari." I spoke fast and confident. I saw the hope waking up in everyone.

"L, what do you mean?" Yagami-san asked with the voice full of hope.

"Gentlemen, please listen carefully. I want that you find every Japanese Christian churches' website and read all of them! Every word must be read! And you tell me immediately when you found those sentences what V just said."

"Why do we do that?" Matsuda asked. Sometimes I really thought why so young and naïve boy was in the police.

"if we want to find Light, we have to find a church. We have noticed over the last tape, that Light is held in a church. But what kind of a church, it has been a mystery for us. But now we are one step closer."

"But why she gave a clue which you can easily find on the internet?" Matsuda asked again.

"Because she is mocking me. She WANTS me to find her. She wants me to save Light. It is a part of her plan." I rose from the chair.

"She wants me to see Light dying, just like she saw her own father dying. Please, start the investigation immediately. One week has been thrown away, it is time to take the lost time back."

"YES!" the group yelled and inspired by the new hope they sat down to their computers and stared to find the grain of sand from the pile of rocks.

I walked myself out from the room and automatically headed towards the roof. I opened the door and stepped into the rain.

I was on the V's leach, but I didn't any other option.

L did everything he could to win.

L was childish, just like Light.

Light was going to suffer, just like Jesus.

But Light wouldn't be resurrected on the third day.

_I try to find myself. I find the stranger trapped inside. And I'll take one more step away from the face I used to recognize. Familiar shadows closing in, suffocating fear descends. It comes alive, uncovered eyes.

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_Hahaa, I'm sure you didn't see that coming!! Ok, so now hands up if you are confused, I am more than happy to explain what the heck is happening right there. REVIEWS ARE ALWAYS IMPORTANT DO NOT FORGET THAT! I'm having an english-exam tomorrw, and instead of reading I write. So hugs here, if you want me to continue!_

_Song used: RED- Break me down (Red is BTW a christian-metal-kind-of-band-as-much-as-I-have-understood)_

_TRALALAA, 'till next time!! :D  
_


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